


The True Masters of Atlantis (the Protect the Idiots from Themselves remix)

by texanfan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Remix Redux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 08:39:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4173267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texanfan/pseuds/texanfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are too dangerous to be left in the hands of the bosses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The True Masters of Atlantis (the Protect the Idiots from Themselves remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [filenotch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/filenotch/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Take Care of Your Feet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/421286) by [filenotch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/filenotch/pseuds/filenotch). 



“Hi Doc,” Lorne greeted as Dr. Zelenka slipped into his office. “Got an update for me?” Lorne and Zelenka typically met weekly to discuss things their respective bosses didn’t need to be bothered with, needed to be protected from or, most importantly, things they were better off not knowing. In light of how badly things had been going between the Colonel and McKay during the past week Lorne wasn’t exactly shocked to see Zelenka appearing in his office early.

  
“Several,” Zelenka responded. “Which would you like first?”

  
Easing back into his chair and away from the mountain of paperwork it contained, Lorne motioned to his visitor’s chair. “How about you have a seat and start with what was found on PQ1-714?”

  
“Ah! That is very troubling,” Zelenka said taking the seat. “I believe Rodney is having difficulty determining what the consoles are for because it has to do with a field he disdains: biology.”

  
“Huh. The reports I’ve gotten about the space didn’t make it sound like a biology lab,” Lorne said.

  
“That’s just it. It didn’t look like any sort of lab at all, and efforts to make it operate in any way had extremely negative consequences,” Zelenka said, gripping his right hand tightly in his left in agitation.

  
Lorne winced, Colonel Sheppard’s right hand and left palm had been severely burned. “Yeah, I heard about the Colonel’s hands.”

  
“Indeed. And Rodney was dismissive of the damage from what I hear.” Zelenka scowled his disapproval.

  
“Ouch. That sounds dire. How’d you hear?”

  
“Ronon and Teyla came into the lab. Teyla explained to Rodney in short, firm sentences how he had dishonored his friendship with the Colonel by being so cavalier about his injuries, especially since they were received while following his instructions attempting to deactivate the consoles,” Zelenka said.

  
“Yeah, that sounds like Teyla. What did Ronon do?”

  
“He glared and possibly growled. I kept my distance.”

  
Lorne smiled at the image. If anyone could whip McKay back into shape it was those two. This whole ridiculous tension between Sheppard and McKay had been going on for a week, and it was starting to impact morale. “Do you think it worked? Does he plan to apologize?”

  
“Rodney snuck off with his tail between his legs. I think they made him think, and he is ashamed of himself. At least I hope so, he’s been like a bear with a sore head all week. I think after accidently outing himself to Carson, he tried to break up with the Colonel.”

  
Lorne leaned a little closer, confused. “Why?”

  
“He may fear Colonel’s position on Atlantis will be compromised if they are caught.”

  
Lorne could tell Zelenka was serious, it simply baffled him. They were an international expedition that fought aliens! No one cared about DADT. And if they did, it was quietly explained to them how it was in their best interests not to. “You mean they don’t know they are the worst kept secret on Atlantis? Besides, they’d hardly be the only non-regulation couple on this base. No one cares!”

  
“Rodney is remarkably oblivious of such things. Also, as arrogant as he is about his brain, he can be,” Zelenka paused as if reluctant to voice his thoughts, “insecure about personal relationships.”

  
Lorne didn’t know whether to be amused or amazed at the idea of the infamous Dr. McKay insecure. Still, he had seen evidence of it himself when confronted with things that were not one of his many areas of claimed expertise. He suspected that was why Sheppard dragged him along on missions that had nothing to do with science of any kind. Not that his commanding officer was the sharpest knife in the drawer when it came to personal relationships. “Just how oblivious are they?”  
Zelenka was cautious in his answer. “I believe Rodney is aware of his feelings for the Colonel.”

  
Lorne thought about Sheppard’s insistence that he never saw it coming. Could the man’s lack of self awareness actually be that acute? Could he not know what everyone who saw them together knew within days? “Do you think Sheppard…?”

  
“Let us say that if they do not resolve this impasse, I intend to arrange a transporter malfunction for them until they do. I will need your assistance with that.” Zelenka raised a conspiratorial eyebrow.

  
“If it comes to that, you’ll have it. This has gone on too long. It’s bad for morale.” Lorne shook his head. His job duties should not include playing matchmaker for his CO, which reminded him of things that were his duty, no matter how unofficial. “So is this lab useful to us?”

  
Zelenka switched gears effortlessly. “Rodney determined that the power source is most likely geothermal, useless to our purposes. The purpose of the lab itself is less clear. However, I believe it has to do with genetic manipulation. Cross species manipulation.”

  
Lorne didn’t like the way this sounded. “Cough it up, Doc. You’ve got a pretty strong suspicion.”

  
“I believe the lab is where the wraith were created.”

  
Such a simple statement with such overwhelming consequences. Of course the Ancients would have done just about anything to cover up the fact that they created the scourge of the galaxy, and burying the facility where it happened in tons of artificial rock fit the bill nicely. Sadly, they hadn’t learned anything from the experience if the Replicators were anything to go by. Lorne took a deep breath before giving voice to what they were both thinking. “We can’t let McKay investigate it.” There was no telling the havoc that Rodney “I’m smarter than the Ancients” McKay could wreck trying to please Sheppard, whose guilt over waking the wraith caused him to do idiotic, sometimes suicidal, things. If Beckett got into the mix he’d believe he’d found the key to “curing” the wraith, and disaster was inevitable. “Destroy or distract?”

  
Zelenka let out a sigh of obvious relief at the agreement. “There could be valuable information. My vote is for distraction. The situation with the Colonel should keep him occupied, and I have projects on standby just for such occasions. Physics problems. Much more absorbing to his mind. I’ve amused myself coming up with some ridiculous applications for the programs that it will delight him to rip apart.” Zelenka smiled as if they were speaking of diverting a small child instead of the head of science. Then again, the similarities were undeniable.

  
Lorne nodded. “I’ll have Cadman look into ways of disguising the entrance. Wouldn’t want anyone else stumbling into it by accident.”

  
“Agreed,” Zelenka replied with a decisive nod. “Now, on to other matters, we will need some more lab space cleared in tower six. Dr. O’Laughlin wants to expand her department.”

  
Lorne called up the roster of teams assigned to clear Atlantis for living quarters and lab space. Shifting the areas scheduled to be cleared fell into the things the bosses didn’t need to be bothered with category. Just part of the normal operation of Atlantis.


End file.
